I Have No Words . . .

Well, I said I would be real at the very beginning of this summer with these blogs, so here it goes. These last 4 or 5 days have been really, really hard here. The problem is that I have no words to explain the stage of brokenness that I am going through. First of all, I am fine, and I want everyone to know that; but I am struggling with certain situations here. I cannot seem to put into words what I am feeling, or to exactly know what those feelings consist of. I know that the feeling I have now, I have only gotten one other place and that is Africa. I can't seem to put a finger on it. Is it frustration for those who have no hope in themselves? Is it being pissed off for an older generation letting a younger generation down? Is it confusion in seeing how sin and bondage goes from generation to generation? I don't know. I have found myself the last couple of days just sitting in the presence of the Lord, I can't seem to muster out prayers, but I know I need to be in His presence. I also know He hears those silent moments before Him, the deep breaths, the tears, the heartache - He hears His children. I know I am learning something right now, but I do not exactly know what. I am sure when I look back on it, I will be able to express it, but right now I can't. I have found myself in specific situation this past week that I have never been in before; spiritual warfare is basically how I can explain it on this blog. I have never experienced spiritual warfare before as I have here. I cannot go into detail about it, but please keep me in your prayers.

That is where I am physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually, but I obviously want you to know what is going on with camp. The last days of camp for us were very trying. It seemed as though we were suspending kids left and right. We were faced with some very difficult decisions. As a staff, we were pretty discouraged. However, Thursday was probably our best day of camp - our camping trip was cancelled so we ended up going to a local state park. Even though the kids were super bummed, we had a cookout, and let the kids walk in the river for a good 3 or 4 hours. It was just a great time of staff and kids have tons of fun and wonderful fellowship. And I must say seeing inner city kids walking in a river was very amusing. My favorite quote of the day, "whose bright idea was it to put rocks on the bottom of a creek." I have some awesome pictures - those will just have to wait to be posted at the end of the summer. Leadership Camp is now over; we head into Green Team now on Monday. The way it has been explained to us is that we will basically be doing relational ministry for the rest of the summer. I am excited about that, but know it will bring many challenges.

Today a group of us are going to Pittsburgh and having dinner. I am extremely excited about it; to get out of the Quip and just enjoy each others company. I know this might have been a pretty heavy blog, but it is real. As I said before, I am ok, everything will be ok. I asked God going into this summer that He would draw me closer to Him no matter what it takes. He is doing just that. I praise God for what I am going through now - it is making me cling to Him constantly. I hope all is well in the dirty south or wherever you find yourself reading this. Specific prayer requests: ordained opportunities to share the gospel, intercession of the Holy Spirit through voice and situations, and for me to clearly see what I am supposed to be learning through the situations I face. I love ya'll incredibly. I am confident knowing people are praying for me. I cannot begin to express my appreciation for those of you who are praying. I need it. I covet those prayers. Until next time, love deeply.