I Have No Words . . .

Well, I said I would be real at the very beginning of this summer with these blogs, so here it goes. These last 4 or 5 days have been really, really hard here. The problem is that I have no words to explain the stage of brokenness that I am going through. First of all, I am fine, and I want everyone to know that; but I am struggling with certain situations here. I cannot seem to put into words what I am feeling, or to exactly know what those feelings consist of. I know that the feeling I have now, I have only gotten one other place and that is Africa. I can't seem to put a finger on it. Is it frustration for those who have no hope in themselves? Is it being pissed off for an older generation letting a younger generation down? Is it confusion in seeing how sin and bondage goes from generation to generation? I don't know. I have found myself the last couple of days just sitting in the presence of the Lord, I can't seem to muster out prayers, but I know I need to be in His presence. I also know He hears those silent moments before Him, the deep breaths, the tears, the heartache - He hears His children. I know I am learning something right now, but I do not exactly know what. I am sure when I look back on it, I will be able to express it, but right now I can't. I have found myself in specific situation this past week that I have never been in before; spiritual warfare is basically how I can explain it on this blog. I have never experienced spiritual warfare before as I have here. I cannot go into detail about it, but please keep me in your prayers.

That is where I am physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually, but I obviously want you to know what is going on with camp. The last days of camp for us were very trying. It seemed as though we were suspending kids left and right. We were faced with some very difficult decisions. As a staff, we were pretty discouraged. However, Thursday was probably our best day of camp - our camping trip was cancelled so we ended up going to a local state park. Even though the kids were super bummed, we had a cookout, and let the kids walk in the river for a good 3 or 4 hours. It was just a great time of staff and kids have tons of fun and wonderful fellowship. And I must say seeing inner city kids walking in a river was very amusing. My favorite quote of the day, "whose bright idea was it to put rocks on the bottom of a creek." I have some awesome pictures - those will just have to wait to be posted at the end of the summer. Leadership Camp is now over; we head into Green Team now on Monday. The way it has been explained to us is that we will basically be doing relational ministry for the rest of the summer. I am excited about that, but know it will bring many challenges.

Today a group of us are going to Pittsburgh and having dinner. I am extremely excited about it; to get out of the Quip and just enjoy each others company. I know this might have been a pretty heavy blog, but it is real. As I said before, I am ok, everything will be ok. I asked God going into this summer that He would draw me closer to Him no matter what it takes. He is doing just that. I praise God for what I am going through now - it is making me cling to Him constantly. I hope all is well in the dirty south or wherever you find yourself reading this. Specific prayer requests: ordained opportunities to share the gospel, intercession of the Holy Spirit through voice and situations, and for me to clearly see what I am supposed to be learning through the situations I face. I love ya'll incredibly. I am confident knowing people are praying for me. I cannot begin to express my appreciation for those of you who are praying. I need it. I covet those prayers. Until next time, love deeply.

Week 2, Day 1

Today was a very long day. I am tired, very tired. My body feels worn down. I don't know if it is from a two hour ultimate game yesterday, half a day at the high ropes course, or all of the above. My heart is hurting due to a situation back home with one of my dear friends and I am repulsed at this very moment with how someone just represented the Kingdom. I just don't get it. However, I have to get to the core of this blog, because I only have 15 minutes.

Camp: we did not have too good of a day on Friday - we had 3 suspensions and the kids were pretty much out of control the entire day. Consequences were obviously put in place for these individuals. Today was a little better, spending time at the ropes course. We did the pamper pole. Basically, you climb a really high pole and jump off of it, putting your trust in all the kids (yikes). It was fun though, long, but fun. I know you're thinking, I wonder if she did it. Well freak yea I did it. It was awesome. I did a reenactment of skydiving. Hoollllerrr! Ah, crazy lady just came in here and told us 3 minutes. I'm going to have to carry this on some other time. Highlights of the weekend: Drea's back, homemade funnel cakes, ultimate, going to see my kids dance, a greek festival (kind of), and lots of laughs while walking all over the Quip! Until next time, love deeply.

The Start of Camp . . .

Well, it's Thursday and we are almost done with our first week of camp. The Leadership Camp has been overall pretty dang good. Quite honestly today was a little challenging; the kids are starting to try us more and more as they get comfortable. However, there are definitely some kids who are really excelling. We are in the process if sewing seeds, rather than seeing the harvest . . . I'm completely at peace with that considering I work with age group throughout the year. One of my favorite times during the camp is small group discussion. The kids are really starting to open up to me. We have committed to each other and ourselves that small group time is a safe place, a real place where we can be raw with one another.

Yesterday we went to the ropes course. We prayed for sunshine, knowing a forecast of strong rain was expected. We had people praying for sun throughout the day. IT POURED! Ha! But God is sooo good and His plans are better than ours. Our kids responded in an unbelievable way. We were drenched the whole time and freezing cold, but our kids loved it. It is such a blessing to see and work with underprivileged kids who don't ever get to do the things we are doing through this camp. Their excitement and joy is pure and genuine. I cannot wait to go camping next Thursday and Friday. It will definitely be trying for our kids, but worth the trip.

God really spoke to me heart today. We have one kid in our camp that is completely defiant and disrespectful. My flesh wants to definitely get in his face and tell him a piece of my mind. (that was G rated for you). Throughout prayer today God spoke to me and said "see Him through my eyes." This is something I have prayed for numerous times for students I work with; without a doubt this may be my biggest challenge. I have also found myself getting impatient. If I am being real with ya'll, it is extremely hard to take a back seat and let others teach when you come from that background. I am asking for prayer in this area. I do not ever want to disrespect another person or step on others toes, I am here to grow just as everyone else. In saying that I need to learn how to approach people or bring issues to the table that need to be addressed. I feel as though I am just babbling here, but bottom line is I need some prayer in that area. Hey, I know the Holy Spirit will lead you in the direction you need to pray for me. Thank you ahead of time.

And that's it. I can't believe 3 weeks is already almost up. I am looking forward to God continuing to blow me away over the remaining weeks. Brokenness and restoration. I ask for it! I love ya'll and miss ya'll. Until next time, love deeply.

Jamyra, Shavar, and a Music Box

Some of you maybe wondering why my title is what it is - well here is the reasoning: I am sitting in a room with two crazy kats that are on staff with me this summer, and one of them just asked where the music box was. Apparently a music box is a CD player! So that's that and one word to describe each of them from what I know: Jamyra, real; Shavar, genuine.

Sorry for being a little late on this blog. Our leadership has started really locking down on some rules due to a couple incidences this week. Basically, I am going to be a bit more limited on internet access starting next week. For one, we start camp and for two we are to be nowhere by ourselves. Before everyone starts freaking out on me, everything is ok. Well I say ok, in terms of knowing and resting in the protection of Christ. Along with that though, I know believers all around the world take the risk of safety to further the Kingdom. I will say again, what I have stated before in previous blogs, I have never felt threatened walking the streets here. I am at peace. I also know by saying that, things could change in a second. It's all good folks. When it is all said and done, IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL!

Enough about that, we start camp on Monday. This past week we have been making house visits to all the kids and their families. It has been great getting to meet all of them. We all know how kids act in front of their parents, but they all seemed cool and pretty well mannered. Our LD (not learning disabled :)) (leadership development) team is really looking forward to starting. We have tons of fun activities planned in the next two weeks including cook outs, ropes course (low and high), service projects in Pittsburgh, along with a camping trip - yup 20+ inner city kids in the woods; it's going to be hilarious. We are faithful in prayer for these kids and for God to pierce their hearts in an unforgettable way. Please be in prayer for the students as we try and work life out together.

We were at a car wash all morning and early afternoon today raising money for our Belle Glade Mission trip at the end of July. Come to find out, we will be flying! Hooolllleerrr! My heart already cries out for the kids we will be working with, I see such potential and hope in their lives.

As for what God is doing in my heart, in addition to some more prayer requests. He has really been teaching me about intentional living and being aware of the times throughout the day when He wants to interrupt me. I praise Him for this. It is always the gentle whispers that give me goosebumps. We as a people get so caught up in doing this and doing that, we miss it, we miss Him. I'm tired of it and want to be in communion with Him through the day. Shavar, Shawna, Brian, Ester, and I consist of a small group. I might be bias here, but we have the best group balancing each other out :) - we're like a dysfunctional family - we are hilarious. Please pray for faithfulness in us to lift up our kids daily, for us to build empowering relationships, and for us to present God in such a way to them that they will not be able to deny Him. Thank you ahead of time for praying for me and the rest of our staff. I covet these prayers!

Well that's all for now folks - hope all is well with everyone out there. I kind of feel like I am in another country at times; we don't get out much. When I have down time, I really just like to chill and read, and debrief with Andrizzle. Good times, good times. Anyways, peace out and until next time love deeply!

Things I Take for Granted ...

What up from the Quip! Alright, so it's weird the way you think (well, I actually think it's conviction from the Holy Spirit) when you are pulled away from your comfort zone to other places for a long amount of time. You start noticing things you take for granted, along with things you just need to truly appreciate and cherish more. To say the least I have noticed this during my short time in the Quip so far. This blog has kind of turned into a journal of some sort and why I am sharing some of these things with ya'll I don't know, but owell. I know ya'll are thinking I am about to get deep on you, which I am, but first I must admit that I take for granted my washing machine :) I hand washed my clothes for the first time this past weekend. It was really hard work, but I loved it and I plan to continue to do it throughout the summer (hmmmm - hold me to that). It definitely puts a lot of things in perspective for you considering the amount of people who do not have washers and dryers in their house.

Next, my family. I thank God for ya'll all the time, but we truly do not understand how much we cherish each other until we are pulled away from each other. I miss ya'll; the all day Sunday affairs, the random dinners, hugs from my Bubba and Blakey, and just the time we get to spend together. Please know that I love each of you in a way in which I will never really be able to express in words.

My Graystone folks - I apologize to you for taking you for granted. I know God has called me somewhere else in terms of worshipping, but it shouldn't be an excuse for us not to get together. I am pleading guilty here. I need to be better at intentional get togethers. I miss ya'll. I miss my B&N nights along with my Hail Mary nights, and also Thursday Starbucks and the Beekeepers!

360 - I've expressed what I needed to express to ya'll in a previous email :) :) you know I love ya'll and miss ya'll. Muahahahaha!

My Beautiful Sisters - I pray for you constantly and am confident that God is blowing each of you away. Even though I know you are in our Fathers hands, it does not take away the pain of not being able to pick up the phone and call. We've talked about this over and over again, and we have made it intentional to love each other deeply without judgement. This stands today and always will, through the ridiculous and hilarious memories to the not so good memories...even though they turned out to be good memories; kind of! Hahahaha. I love you!

I have met some beautiful people here and are surrounded with unbelievable neighbors which I will write more about later. One of my neighbors reminds me of my Grammy. Her name is Emma; such a soft and genuine spirit. I cannot wait to build a relationship with her and her husband (high school sweethearts, married 57 years). You gotta love the stoop talks.

As for how things are going - we have officially started planning for our camp starting next week. We will be in overdrive for those two weeks; ropes course training, camping (shut it with inner city kids - 20), and a whole lot of fun. If there is one (ok-2) things I would have to say the Lord is doing/teaching me right now, I would have to go with constant communion throughout the day, in addition with being intentional about specific things. Praise Him. I have a good core team consisting of 5 people, all with different personalities. But in a good way. I look forward to working with them throughout the summer. I think that is it for now. Oh, the rooming sitch you people have been asking about - ha. We finally migrated to the basement, so we look like Orphan Annie - its actually really funny, but we're all turning the 3rd floor to a prayer room which will be awesome. Remember we have 15 girls under one roof. Oh yea, and I found out I am going to Belle Glade, Fl the last week in July for a mission trip. Thats just a heads up. Ok, thats it - peace, love deeply!

Answers to Questions

What up folks! This could be a long one. Sorry. I don't really know where to begin. Our week of training is over - and for someone who can't really focus past 20+ minutes - I am quite happy it is over. But the info given to us was very informative, so no complaints. I just went crazy in my seat - stand up, sit down, go to the bathroom ... ya'll know the routine! We're off to a basketball game in a bit - they are having it at the "Dump" - it's one of the courts in the neighborhood. I'm going to try and hit up some questions I've been asked:

General things: The town is very poverty stricken, but has so much hope. It's wierd walking the streets (which we do daily, it's awesome), because I can't help but think about things that could be cleaned up, tagged by local teens, stores brought back to life. Due to unemployment starting in I think 84 with the closing of the steel mill, along with a flood which came up from the sewer pipes in 02, businesses closed down. It is almost like a ghost town, as a local put it to me the other day. By the way his name was Grover.

Am I safe? We are definitely in an area where violence, drug deals, prostitution, and crime occurs, however I have not once felt unsafe walking through the hoods, or streets. Many of the neighborhood moms have told us to be in before dark, but I think that is to be expected. It truly is a beautiful town. People here are very friendly, and there is a sense of the older generation looking out for people they know do not live here year around. We are in constant prayer walking on the streets - God has without a doubt drawn me closer to Him with this and continues to bring me back to Phil. "pray without ceasing."

Funny stories yet? ABSOLUTELY!!!! Top favorite so far - I already told ya'll about the guy counting his quarter bags. 2 Days ago I went to shake a lady's hand and she was smoking some weed in her right hand and tried to hide it. I saw it, she saw me see it,and we both looked at each other and laughed and went on with our conversation. I cant write the rest of them, but they sure are funny. 

Pictures? I havent quite felt out when it is right to take a pic and when it isnt. I have a couple which will come soon to give ya'll an idea of my surroundings.

How are you feeling with this? Good. I know God has me here for a specific reason, I am resting in that. Without a doubt, there is a spirit of oppression here. A couple of times people have made comments to our team, like there is no hope, get out of this hood, you cant change anyone - well, they are right - we cant change anyone, but our Lord and Savior can - and that's why we will remain in those hoods with our street presence. Yesterday I was walking with Drea and I said there just needs to be one good thing that happens to this place - very gently she said back to me, "there is." Needless to say, I was very humbled. But she is exactly right - the presence of God is working through this city - RESTORATION WILL COME! I was reading out of 1 Peter today - 2 scrips really hit home - "Above all love each other deeply," as well as, " Be self controlled and alert, Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." There is definitely spiritual warfare going on in the Quip - have faith, Jesus has claimed victory over this world, and that obviously includes the Quip!!! Praise Him! Love, not just love, but love deeply. Let us see out of the eyes of Jesus and love out of the heart of His Father. I believe the Lord will really reveal what it means to "deeply love" this summer.

One thing I want to also mention - there is a coffee shop called Uncommon Grounds here. It is amazing. Right in the middle of downtown. Strictly run on volunteers. Hold movie nights and open mic nights. Prices range from 25 cent drinks to $4 sandwiches, and coffee for about $1.25. I walked in the other day and two of the local boys were mopping the floor. You can go up to the counter and ask for a drink and they'll say "yea sure you can have it, but how do you make it." Due to the fact all of the workers are volunteers it kind of makes it quite humorous. But wow, this is what God intended community to be. The owners of the shop are 2 Australian individuals who are committed to Christ and this community - I cannot wait to hear more about their story. Quite honestly it reminds me of a God sized vision soon to be attained by 2 of my beautiful friends . . . JuJa Java shout out right there!

Alright, that's it for now - off to the basketball game. Please pray for specific crossing of paths with people, for God to continue to reveal Himself, and that the people of the Quip along with the staff would be brought to our knees by His presence. Love ya'll and thank you ahead of time for your prayers. Each of you are a blessing to me. It does get hard up here only really truly knowing one person and having only one person really know me (shout out to Drea, if you're reading this - holler and thanks for everything!), but I am overwhelmed and encouraged knowing people are praying for me and that God has surrounded me with a group of solid believers here. Until next time, love deeply!

Arrived Safe and Sound

What up folks, just wanted to let you know that I am suffering through cramps that I never get to write this thing! Anyways, I got here Sunday with no problems with the exception of Mr. Stupid AirTran man charging me $40 for my suitcase being 1 inch too long - I'm bitter - whatever!

It is beautiful here - there are 15 girls (i think we have 29 staff members over all) staying in our house with 2 bathrooms. I'm not going to tell you my living situation right now, because it may change due to the elders' brains in our house being creative (that's me and a couple of others) ... I'll keep you guessing. We have been in training all week from about 8:30 to 8:30 each day - I have learned that peeps from Bible college think at a completely different level than me. I am the only one that hasn't gone to a Bible college; however, there are some B.C drop outs! Everyone seems real cool! I hope it doesn't turn out to be like the show Real World where everyone is cool the first week and then they start throwing chairs at each other toward the end of the show. We walk everywhere - I love it! We did "observation" of the city the other day and that was awesome! Everyone is on their stoops - and if you really know me, you know I have always wanted a stoop. Got to play with some of the kids last night, which was a saving grace to me, due to all the training. I will talk about all the poverty in a later blog when I am feeling better. Sorry this one is short, but again I'll write more this weekend hopefully. I'll leave you with two highlights . . .

1. Our neighbors name is Margo - we went to say hi to her yesterday and she came to the door in her night gown. The dog Jingles got out. (I don't know why I just shared that with ya'll) - it was really funny though!

2. While we were walking our "observations" we walked by a bunch of people. All the older ladies would ask, "watch ya'll doin her, you ok" "get in before dark." They were funny - already seen the racism in the cops here in the city - BUTTHEADS!!! Also, walked by a guy who was counting his quarter bags in his hand - no shame!

That's it for now - please continue to pray for our staff and ripened hearts of the people in this city. Thank you so much! Deuces!